Monday, September 14, 2009

Light and Fluffy

It's been an interesting two weeks...my job is consuming a great deal of my energy and patience (I about blew today when someone described a point as "mute" instead of "moot"...how is it that educated people continue to f**k this up?!). Then, the morning before a fellow daycare mom backed into my car and smushed my bumper, some degenerate jacked my iPod from my car. There haven't been too many breaks from the action lately.

It's amazing how I remain such a cheerful creature. (stop laughing!) ;-)

Lucky for me, the aforementioned degenerate chose to NOT steal the CDs from my car, so I still have my copy of the Juno soundtrack. I *love* the movie Juno. Well-written, great casting...all around it's an enjoyable flick with a neat message to boot. Additionally, the soundtrack is just fantastic--it's worth seeing the movie just to enjoy the music!

To spread the Juno love, here's a link to "All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar. This version clips the first two or three seconds of the song, but it includes the great opening scene from the movie. I can't help but smile when listening--it's so light and fluffy. I think you'll find yourself smiling in spite of whatever might be on your plate for today. Enjoy!



If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Evolving Faith

Here's a departure from my usual kid-centric posts... warning, there's a good chance of me offending you with this offering, so if you're not feeling terribly open-minded today, you may want to pass on reading this.

OK, you've been warned...

I've been thinking a lot about The Church lately. Before I get too far into my transcendental rant, gentle reader, allow me to define what I mean by The Church. By The Church, I mean just that--not God, but the human beings charged with delivering the Word of God to the masses and tending to God's flock.

When I was younger, I didn't much differentiate The Church from God. Traditional teachings express The Church and God as one in the same, after all. In any case, I, being a faithful follower of The Church, I listened to my pastors, absorbed the messages they delivered, even managed to (finally) pass their hard-core confirmation classes. I was proud to be part of this conservative, 'by the book' Church. I didn't know anything else.

As an adult, I find going to church far less comfortable than I did as a child. I go to church and find myself cringing more and more during sermons. For example, let's take The Church's position on homosexuality. Homosexuals are bad? Oh wait, homosexuals are not just bad, but also going to hell? We need to minister to gays to help them find their way back to God? What if they already know God? I know many God-fearing men and women (who work with me at a Catholic Healthcare institution) who are active in Christian churches....and who happen to be gay. Is that possible? Are they attending church 'under cover'? Or is it possible that God and The Church are NOT one in the same and that each "The Church" has defined its own version of right and wrong?

I strongly believe that sexuality isn't a conscious choice so much as it is a biological construct. I can state for the record I didn't wake up one morning and DECIDE to be heterosexual, any more than I woke up one morning and DECIDED to have two arms and two legs. So I struggle with being a member of a Church that damns homosexuals. If I'm right, and sexuality is a biological construct, then why stop at gays? Why not also damn someone with Downs Syndrome? Or a deformed foot? Those are biological constructs too. I know, sounds ridiculous--but allow yourself to think about it. If you're convinced that sexuality is only a social construct, then my position will make no sense, but do try to at least consider opening your mind up to my argument.

I can feel the blood pressure of my Lutheran/Catholic family starting to rise while reading this--before you delete me from your Christmas card lists, remember that free will gives us not only the right, but the responsibility to explore our freedom. So even us Missouri-Synod types need to exhale once in a while and admit that there's discussion to be had on these hard topics. ;-)

So back to exploring my discomfort:

Clearly the beliefs I have conflict with the ethos of The Church, or at least The Church as defined by the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. But do my beliefs conflict with God? I don't think so. I've seen the work of God. I've experienced Grace that can be explained by nothing but the presence of The Divine. But I feel like The Church is packaging God in box that doesn't feel right to me anymore. God...Grace...The Divine...he/it is all around us. I feel sad for people who say "I don't believe in God" because I think what they really mean is that they don't believe in The Church. I don't know how you can watch a waterbug glide across the still surface of a lake, look into the eyes of a newborn, or watch as some takes their last breaths and not believe in a Divine presence. Science only gets you so far. I just think The Church may be making God too exclusive.

So where does this leave me? Where does this leave my girls, who were both baptized in the church with which I'm struggling? If I align with The Church, I want it to be because The Church aligns with my belief in The Divine. I don't want to just "be Christian" or "be Lutheran" because that's how I grew up. I don't want to dismiss my questions, and I don't want my girls to grow up judging the world from a haughty pedestal.

Maybe the churches I'd scoffed as a youngster are exactly the ones that would best fit me now: Unitarian, Episcopalian...generally more accepting congregations than the by-the-book, hellfire-and-brimstone congregations with which I grew up. They still provide that moral compass that is the backbone of any Christian Church, but with less judgement and social exclusivity. I'm not ready to make any kind of change yet; I'm still exploring.

Until then, I challenge you to explore the faith-related questions that may linger in your head. Go ahead--I know it's scary walking into a dark cave, but don't worry-- I'll leave the light on for ya. :-)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Pregnancy Mystery # 4563 Revealed

Pregnancy Mystery # 4563 Revealed:
You won't actually go bald when your lush preggo hair starts falling out

Flashback: November 2006. My baby is three months old, my body is starting to resemble that what it once was (not counting the 20, ok 30 extra pounds…), I’m SLEEPING, and I’m thinking how great it is to finally be over all the weird stuff that pregnancy does to your body.

Then my hair started falling out.

I’m not talking a few extra strands. I’m talking about CLUMPS. I whip open Google and search on “alopecia + post partum” and find “you might experience some hair loss in the months following pregnancy.” Some?! At this point I’m fairly confident I’ll be bald by Christmas.

I chat with some friends. No one had their hair fall out in clumps. What the hell? I start to wonder what I’ll look like with scalp showing through my thinning hair. I'm reading up on other potential causes: vitamin deficiency, kidney issues, hypertension.

Then I noticed the hair loss staring to slow down after about a month. Yep. Weird. So, by the time Rachael was five months old, my hair wasn't coming out in clumps any more, and what I was left with was wavy and about five shades darker than it was.

Fast forward: August 2009. My baby is three months old, my body is starting to resemble that what it once was (not counting the 20, ok 30 extra pounds…), I’m SLEEPING, and I’m thinking how great it is to finally be over all the weird stuff that pregnancy does to your body.

My hair is again falling out.

At least I knew to expect it. It doesn't make it any less strange, losing clumps of hair with every wash, dry, and style. But I'm not freaking out.

I am sure that it's weird crap like this that motivates new moms to write books. They are convinced it's their obligation to tell (warn?) the world of what to expect from your forever-changed, still-morphing body. I know I've inhaled books like that...the "girlfriendy" books that deliver straight talk on pregnancy-induced hemorrhoids, acne, joint pain, nursing. I think there's a huge market of insecure new moms just looking for someone to say "yeah, it happened to me and I lived through it..." I was desperate to find a passage in one of these books that read "...my hair fell out in clumps and I'm not bald." Never did find it.

Other than being entertaining, these books didn't do a damn thing to prepare me for what my life would be like after bringing home my beautiful girls. All you really need is a whole lot of confidence, which is unfortunately in poor supply for the average new mom. I know I had zero confidence when Rach was wee. What probably needs to be published for new moms is a new book with just three sentences: You're doing FINE. You'll be FINE. Your kids are FINE. Oh, one more: You WILL sleep again someday.

But feel free to call me if you're absolutely convinced that you'll be bald by the time your lush preggo hair falls out.

;-)